Right now I’m saying yes to something. Something that scares the living daylights out of me. I’ve decided to start a blog.

It’s scary for a lot of reasons, but the biggest thing that keeps running through my head (and has for years) is – I’m not ready. I’m not ready because I don’t know much about blogging. I’m not ready because I’m probably not a good enough writer. I’m not ready because I don’t think I have anything important to say. I’m not ready because I don’t know if I can handle putting my ideas and my creations out into the world for everyone to see.

I’ve had other experiences of not being ready. I’m a bass player and for 28 years I’ve played in bands – primarily blues bands. About 20 years ago I got a phone call from another musician who said there was a rock band that needed a bass player to sit in for a gig. I turned them down. I said I wasn’t ready.  I did not get another such offer for the next 19 years. Whenever I look back on that I wonder – what if I had said yes, what would have happened?

Who knows, but what I do know is what happened this past summer when I got another offer to play in a band that needed a pinch hitter – I said yes. I still didn’t feel ready. I had less than 2 weeks to try to learn the material as best as I could.  During that time, my family and I were preparing to move into a new house. In fact, the night of the gig happened on the day we moved.

So what happened this time? I got a list of songs. I looked them up on YouTube. I quickly discerned the ones I could do OK without a lot of work, and did my best to learn the songs that were trickier and unfamiliar. Yes, I was scared. On the other hand I figured if the person who recommended me didn’t think I was capable, I would never have gotten the call. And ultimately, the band needed somebody and I was their only option at that point, so they had to just deal with me – good or bad. I kept telling myself those things just to buck up my courage. If it sounds like false bravado, in a way, it was, but it worked.

It wasn’t a flawless performance. I made a couple of mistakes and they were doozies, too. But at the end of the night, the band was pleased. I have since played four other gigs with them, and may get a few more out of it.

If I’m asked again, I will say yes. Will I feel relaxed and confident? No, but I’ll do it anyway. Because when all was said and done, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed learning new songs. I relished the opportunity to take myself seriously as a musician. I also love being an integral, supportive member of a group. It makes me feel like I have something valuable to offer. And I think at the end of a day, we all want to feel like somehow we mattered to somebody.

Why am I doing a blog when there are a million others – good ones — out there?  I need to write and I’m tired of doing it in isolation. I want to say yes to my writing. I want to connect with other people and inspire others to step out into the world with their words, images or music. I’m saying yes to myself and the world. Care to join me?