I was going to title this post, “Working a Day Job and Doing Everything Else on the Side.” My everything else includes playing electric bass in a band, and finding time to read, catch up on email, and play piano (just for fun, I’m pretty new at it). Not to mention all the boring day-to-day tasks like cooking, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, and paying at least a little bit of attention to my husband, my two children, the dog and the cat.

Are you tired yet?

There are days when I feel like I’ve chosen an impossible life for myself. I wake up at 5:30 to write. I also like to try to get a little exercise in before I get dressed for the day (generally about a half-hour’s worth).  So often when that alarm goes off I want to cry, but the sound is really annoying and I don’t want to wake my husband, so out of bed I get. I used to have the radio come on, but it was way too easy for both of us to sleep through that, so now it’s the loud and insistent “beep, beep, beep.”

I truly long for the day when writing will be my day job, but until then I work it in when and where I can.  I write in the car (as long as I’m the passenger) with a notebook handy, or more often, on my phone. I didn’t think it would be possible for me to compose a poem on my phone, but I have done it. Or at the very least, I’ve noted certain images and phrases as they come to mind. It’s handy to have some kind of writing ap on your phone. Right now, I’m just using Google Docs, but I may change that, as soon as I get the time to look into other aps.

I also use my phone when I’m at work and something comes to me. Generally, I can spare a minute or two here or there to text something in. It’s never any kind of finished product, but what’s important to me is that I get it down.

I’ll tell you what I don’t do:  I don’t host dinner parties (or any kind of party, really, except for my  poets’ group which meets once a month and so far has only met at my house once. And we did throw a housewarming party when we bought our new home). I don’t hang out in bars. I don’t attend many social gatherings. Date night for me and my husband usually involves us going to a band rehearsal or a gig. Otherwise, we may travel locally to hear a band or two somewhere on a Friday or Saturday night, but we’re home by midnight. I don’t belong to the Lions or the Rotary and I don’t volunteer for the Food Pantry or the Library. I sing at my church – that’s my volunteer work and my pleasure. I don’t have “girls night” (just the poets’ group). I don’t bake bread or cookies anymore. I don’t garden. I don’t decorate my house for the seasons (other than some minimal Christmas decorations). I don’t get into any DIY projects. I don’t spend a day shopping for fun (never understood how that could be fun, anyway). I don’t train for marathons or spend hours working out.

I’m sure I could add more to the list, but I just can’t think of it because I don’t do it anyway.

My point is, everything involves sacrifice. If you want to make more time for one thing, you have less time for something else. If you work a day job but still want to create art in your spare time, you have to prioritize that time and accept the fact that some things fall by the wayside. That acceptance that I can’t do it all has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. I want it all – I want to proudly grow my own food and have jars of preserves and what not to give as presents. If I attend a potluck somewhere, I want to wow people with my homemade casserole or soup or dessert. I want my picture in the paper as a volunteer for a worthy charity. But I also want to write and perform, and as long as I have that day job, I only have so much time.

I also know I spend less time writing and playing music than I think I should, but I’ve had to accept that, too. I’ve learned to rejoice in what I do accomplish rather than lament what I don’t. If my writing is only a half-hour in the morning before my day starts, then so be it. That’s one half-hour more than I would do otherwise. Every minute, every word counts. I don’t want to lose sight of that.