“You don’t paddle against the current, you paddle with it. And if you get good at it, you throw away the oars.” – Kris Kristofferson

I think we all go through periods of time where we feel gung-ho about making changes in our lives. The alarm goes off at 5 am and we jump out of bed, psyched about the BIG THINGS we’re going to accomplish. Even if we’re dragging our tails, somewhere in our minds is a voice saying things like, “No pain, no gain.” “The early bird gets the worm.” “Seize the day.”

But at some point – next month, next week, day two – we hit snooze, roll over and catch a few more winks. Even if we continue the 5 am thing, our days feel like a major battle where we’re constantly running uphill carrying 25 pounds of equipment, all while we have massive blisters on our heels AND we have the flu. I hit that point and I question – why is this so hard? Why does it seem so pointless? I’m killing myself for some distant dream and the only thing I know I’ll reach for sure is death. Is this how I want to live my life?

Then I read something inspirational in my quest for motivation. One example of that is the above quote from Kris Kristofferson. I ask myself:  Am I paddling against the current? If I’m supposed to enjoy the journey, why does it feel like rolling a boulder uphill over and over? Am I doing something wrong?

If it’s only a matter of going with the flow, how do you do that without completely giving up and just being tossed around by the universe? I’m supposed to have goals, right? Systems? A plan? I can’t just let the river carry me to wherever it’s going, can I?

But in the interest of curiosity and trying to find some kind of system that works for me, I decided to take stock of the ways in which I’m fighting, and the ways in which I’m letting go and trusting the current.

For example: I want to write a novel. In order to do that, I have to write. I can’t just wait for my novel to appear, complete (and published, of course) while I sit around and watch Netflix. I also have to get my ass out of bed in the morning – that is always a battle for me. That 5 am thing I talked about up there? Not my thing. I read about people who do it and I admire them. But for me, it just makes me so dragged out tired all day that all I accomplish is eating way too much (sweets especially) and gravitating towards the television set and the couch.

So, am I fighting if I force myself to sit down and write or get up early?

It depends on my attitude.

Instead of, “I have to sit down and write for an hour (or two, or ten minutes) every day or I will never write this novel.” I can say, “Now I get to sit down and work on my novel (write a page, write for an hour).” I set up a time every day to accomplish that task. For me, right now, my goal is a page a day.

The getting up early. I know 5 a.m. does not work for me. 6 a.m. works fine. I need my sleep. The rest of my day goes much smoother if I get the sleep I need. Going to bed earlier than I do now is not an option. So 6 a.m. is my rise and shine time. I’m not going to fight that by forcing myself out of bed any earlier.

Music can also be a battleground. The other day, for instance, I knew my husband and I (he’s a musician, too) were planning a Facebook Live performance. A lot of my free time was eaten up with getting our “stage” set, i.e. rearranging the living room furniture and lights, setting up microphones, a sound board, instruments, amps, etc. In the past, I would “fight” that:  grumble about the time it was taking up, the mess it made in the living room, the extra stress. Yeah, I know, I can be a real crybaby.

But the other day, I thought, ‘Hey, I get to do this really cool thing! Perform music in front of fans on Facebook. Keep my performance chops up, and hopefully put a smile on people’s faces during this time of worry, fear and stress.’ So, I happily helped get things ready, and it turns out, it didn’t take near the amount of time I thought it would. The fight was only in my head. I paddled with the current. I was smiling.

Now, here’s a fight – I had to go onto Facebook to invite people to our live stream.  I think I’m one of maybe 5 people in the universe who hate Facebook. I have an account and go on it occasionally. Usually because my husband or a friend talks about a post that appears to have relevant information for me, or I need to post about a band performance. I never could get into the whole Facebook thing. Maybe I’m anti-social. I do like connecting with friends and family far away, but to do that for hours every day? When would I write or play music? (I do have a day job.)

But here was an example of something that needed to be done. If I want to perform music and I want our band to do well, I have to shoulder my share of the responsibility. But again, maybe the fight wasn’t the fact that I had to do it, but my attitude about it. It’s work that needs to be done. I need to invite my contacts. Rather than gripe and moan, I could re-frame the situation:  I get to invite people to our livestream. I get to practice a couple of songs I’m hoping to perform. I get to think about this.

And yes, the set-up (I know my husband) was going to be complicated, time-consuming, and turn our living room into a background set for a YouTube show, not a place to hang out and watch Netflix. BUT, (I know my husband) – it sounded, and looked, the absolute best it could with the equipment we had.

Another fight – my novel. I’m lost. I feel like I’m at the point where I’m just writing words to write words. Nothing I write is advancing the plot or the characters. It’s just sort going around and around in a bottomless spiral. I’ve been slogging through the quicksand in order to reach my daily goal. But then I realized, I need to go back and re-read. I think I’ve completely lost touch with where I wanted this to go, anyway. Lost touch with who the characters are, what they want, and where the conflict is.  So, I’m going to take a couple of days (or maybe a week) to read, take notes, and get myself back on track.

I’ve been resisting going back to read it because I thought it was a waste of time. Now, however, it’s the only thing that makes sense. So, I’m going to go with the flow. The current is pulling me toward regaining the direction of my story, and that’s the direction I’m going to paddle.

It’s time to take stock of where I’ve been and make a shore lunch by the riverbank. I’m not going to lament the “time I’m losing.” I’m going to appreciate the opportunity to reflect, breathe, and gain a better perspective. Life is what we make it. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live on a battlefield, I’d rather canoe downstream, smell the greenery, hear the paddle knock against the side of the canoe, and marvel at the sun glinting off the water.

Happy Trails!